Ironic. The last time I blogged, it was about OKCupid. Last night I got back onto that insidious site, and today I decided to, once again, get back onto my wild Twitter site, and my blog. I'm going to have to call this a trend, I suppose.
It's funny how I circle into and out of these phases of wanting to be social then wanting to be alone. It's also intriguing to me that when I go into the social phase, I move instinctively back into the habits, roles, and identities which are most familiar, even if they no longer serve me in the same way (I'm sure that my 14 Twitter followers have been anxiously awaiting my Twitter return, BTW!)
I'm sadly inconsistent. And I continue to feel as if I'm living two lives. In my spiritual practice I'm working to integrate the separate pieces of my life. I've had a false belief that the inconsistency somehow has served to keep me safe. It's a prickly wall of protection. It keeps me from being fully visible in the world, but it also separates me, from myself, from truth, and from other beings.
It's time to practice something different and I suspect it won't be very comfortable. But, if I can't own all the way through all of me, what can I ever truly have?
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